I treat the release of a new Roland Emmerich film with a mix of apathy and dread. The man has been responsible for some of the most idiotic movies in modern history (check out The Patriot or Godzilla if you don’t believe me). So when I got tickets to see 10,000 BC at the Empire Leicester Square, my expectations weren’t high. Nearly everyone I asked were either busy or not interested in seeing it. But I did find a taker for the other ticket (by the way, the film company gave me 4 tickets, far more generous than usual with a big release.) 10,000 BC is a fantasy set in a fictitious world ruled by Von Danniken-like alien beings and at the film’s heart is a prehistoric tribe led by D’Leh (Steven Strait), who is forced to undergo a quest that takes him thousands of miles across this world to rescue his lady love Evolet (played by Camille Belle). The biggest problem with 10,000 BC is not that it’s a stupid film, even though it is a pretty idiotic one, it’s that it takes itself so bloody seriously. I’m as much a sucker for Raquel Welch wandering around in a fur bikini as the next man but the dialogue here is so portentous that the viewer is left checking their watch at regular intervals (I went almost five minutes at one point without doing this). The woolly mammoths look pretty and the scenery is impressive but there’s no real sense of place in this film. Strait is suitably unmemorable in the lead as is Belle. If you like really dumb films with very little plot or characterisation, then go for it (the box office has already spoken on this film and it made nearly $38m in its opening in the US). But if you want something more, then don’t bother…
PERKS OF THE JOB
Being a freelance journo means you don’t know where your money is coming from sometimes and you’re always chasing magazines for money even when you’ve done the work but there are perks. You get to meet interesting people as I did roundtable interviews at Wonder Con on 10,000 BC with its director Roland Emmerich, rather attractive female co-star Camille Belle and its male lead, Steven Strait, and I got to do a roundtable on Get Smart with its director Peter Segal (about to start directing Shazam), and its stars Steve Carrell and the also delectable Anne Hathaway.